Monday, January 7, 2013

Here I Am

I've been blogging my baking and cooking over here at The Pinterest Trials.  Since most of my new recipes have been from Pinterest, it makes sense.  I contribute the first weekend of every month, and it's been great for keeping track of my projects and any adjustments I do to recipes.  You can also find Pinterest recipes and projects that I've tried HERE.

I haven't been baking much lately.


I am a compulsive baker.  Over the past year or so, I've realized that when I come home anxious and I can't settle down and I JUST NEED TO BAKE, maybe something's not quite right.  I've tried to think it through.  I know if I put in certain ingredients, it will come out the way I want it.  I'm creating something.  It's predictable.  I'm good at it.  I'm in control.  And, let's face it, it's gonna be delicious.  For ages, I was just baking and baking and eating and giving it away.  So I decided to take a break, for my heart's sake, and my waistband's.

The fact is, I have a lot of feelings.  I am sensitive.  My heart is usually breaking from sadness or exploding with love, and I have very little in between.  My parents used to say that I had an addictive personality.  When I find something I love, I can't get enough of it.  I struggle to express this, so I internalize it, and it comes out in cheese bread and the perfect chocolate cake and peanut brittle.

These past two years have been tough.  There have been lots of good things, but SO MANY hard things and I have struggled to deal with them.  My husband has been Amazeballs.  My logical brain says that this is nothing to be ashamed of, but I've been afraid to share - scared that talking about it is self-indulgent.  Not classy.  A symptom of our age of social media over-sharing, elevating the trivial moments of our lives because we're isolated and egocentric...or something like that.  But I recently had a friend share with me and it was brave, and it helped me, so here we go.  Here are some honesty bombs I'm dropping into the interwebs, self-indulgence and all.

I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
I have Tourette Syndrome
I'm a recovering Anorexic and Bulimic

And I'm going to talk about it.



4 comments:

  1. Wow. Awesome. Not awesome about all you have been dealing with, but that you are taking such a big step in being vulnerable. So thanks for sharing and being so dang courageous when so many people are afraid to share, be real and vulnerable. Your dialogue will help us understand and be understood. So go for it Shantini.

    And yes, your baking is awesome....or amazeballs. I had to google that one to figure it out.

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  2. My hero. I love you! And wish I lived closer so I could benefit from your baking more often. And come over and give you hugs. And let it all hang out together, emotionally, all the time.
    You are brave, you are strong, and I am so proud of you.

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  3. I love you.

    I think we need to bake together sometime because the fact that hasn't really happened yet is a crime.

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  4. I think one of the reasons we became such fast friends is because you are so open. Your willingness to share makes it easy and safe to share with you as well.

    You are an amazing woman and I'm so glad to call you my friend. I will do better with seeing you more in person, now that I have this baby thing a little more figured out! Haha

    I love you Shantiners... xo!!

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