Tuesday, May 14, 2013


I hate it.  Running, that is.  And frankly, most other things that would constitute exercise.  I like to dance, and walk, and play with my nieces and nephews - but generally not tag, because it includes the aforementioned running.

I will not bore you with tales of being bad at sports and picked last in PE class.  What I will say is that this fostered such a deep sense of shame within me that any physical activity in front of another human being became completely humiliating.  All I've ever thought is that if I ever have to run for a ball, everyone will stare at me and think about how slow and stupid and fat and pathetic I am.  The thought of it has reduced me to tears on more than one occasion.  I think it might be how some people feel when they're asked to do public speaking...but I can't be sure.

Monday, May 6, 2013

Do's and Don'ts of Cover Letters From an Unqualified Source

I know first hand searching for a job is tough. It can be overwhelming and time-consuming, and I'm 100% sympathetic to that. And, in all honesty, I've committed several of the 'don'ts' on this list in the past. So here's the deal:

1) This list is completely subjective.
2) I am not an expert - but I did read about 140 résumés for two positions last month, and 60 is about the average number I get for most positions.
3) All of the examples are 100% real, except for the names.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you:

Do's and Don'ts of Cover Letters, Résumés, and Interviews From an Unqualified Source

Do ensure you're applying for the Vancouver Fringe Festival, NOT the Vancouver Fridge Festival.

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Fresh Lemonaaaaaade

Two kids hollered at me - the lone person walking down our street - for six blocks before I finally got there. "Fresh Lemonaaaaaaaade!"  When I finally arrived at their table, laden down from my trip to the produce store, they got shy until I asked them how much it was.  Fresh may not have been the best descriptor, but at 25 cents, you can't beat the deal.  I asked them what they were going to spend the money on.  "Toys and candy".  

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

My Bakery

I'd like to have a bakery one day.

Maybe a pie shop - you could come in and buy it by the slice and sit in little booths, a la the Pie Hole in Pushing Daisies.  There would be ice cream and whipped cream - lots of fruit pies, but also mud pie and chocolate silk and definitely lemon meringue.  And the Five Try Pie.  It's near impossible to buy a good pie these days.

Or maybe just a regular bakery with a cute name, maybe something French.  I would learn how to make croissants like they do at the Metropolitan Hotel.  There would be lots of chocolate mousse, and good cookies (not crazy ones, just good).  And nanaimo bars, because, seriously.  Joy's scones, obviously.  And perhaps I could steal the sausage roll recipe from Maple Leaf Bakery.  They are impossibly good.

People would like to come in to my bakery.  It would feel homey and welcoming, and you could have as much time as you needed to decide, because sometimes decisions are hard.  We would also not take ourselves too seriously, because really, it's just dessert.  But seriously enough that everything is perfectly delicious.  Every recipe is just right.  Every bite is the best bite.  Sometimes we make whatever we feel like that day.  Sometimes we're closed because we're on vacation.  We would have specials, and sometimes give things away for free to our favourite customers.

The desserts would not always look perfect, but people wouldn't care because they were soooooo good.  We would burn through so. much. butter.  I would always have flour in my hair.