So while I still love rainbows, they're always this weird little reminder that mental illness has touched every part of my life. My likes and dislikes, my experiences and activities, my relationships, my body.
I don't believe that mental illness is a blessing in disguise or a gift bestowed upon me. I don't believe that I am required to be grateful for it making me stronger or more empathetic or creative or whatever light and fluffy garbage Upworthy is spouting to try and make us feel better about the fact that the playing field of life is grossly uneven. I wish our culture wasn't so hell-bent on trying to find the good, and instead we could lean into the pain and grieve and keen for what we wish we had, or wish we hadn't lost.
I do not believe that mental illness is beautiful. I think it's ugly and cruel and heart-wrenching. But I also think that once in a while we can make something beautiful out of the ugly that makes it a bit more tolerable and helps us find the spark of light in the darkness. So I put my reminder of ugly/beautiful on my body. And I did it on my 30th birthday to feel like a badass.
Also: Rainbow Scabs. Just think about it for a sec.