Thursday, August 3, 2017

I Will Not Fail Her


"You look like you're going to have another baby", my 5-year-old niece says casually.

I pause. I'm not prepared. I glance at my 7-month-old baby playing on the floor. I regret my outfit choice.

"Oh, really?", I say, keeping my voice as measured as possible.

"Yeah, like...you look like you're going to have another baby", she says a bit louder. Conversationally.

I pause again. I'm not prepared. I lick my wounds. I look down at my stomach. I really regret my outfit choice. I think about the weight I've gained since the birth. I think about the cookies I brought. I think about how I used to look, how I thought I'd look, how nothing fits the same and my body doesn't feel like my own. How embarrassed I am. What a cliché I am. I'm still pausing. And then I think,

I will not fail her.