Friday, March 8, 2019

Happy International Women's Day, I Am Tired

Happy International Women's Day, I Am Tired.

My son, clearly a shill for the patriarchy, woke me up at 4:30am. He came into bed and said, "Hi, Mama. Hug, Mama?" It has been so many hours since 4:30am.

Happy International Women's Day, I Am Guilty.

We have made it through our whole roster of Daniel Tiger. We are sick and exhausted and there is no Daniel Tiger, I AM Daniel Tiger. He is me. Meow meow, Toots. Ugga mugga. A better mother would have...

Happy International Women's Day, I Am Scared.

I will start the new job and I am scared I'm too stupid, now. I miss things, now. And I'm told that being a mother makes me an asset, but I'm not sure I see that, now.

I am scared I'm not enough and I am scared I'm too much. I am definitely too much, this I've been told. I am scared I have failed my son and he will miss me during the day and that I'm making the wrong choices, always the wrong choices, and the stakes are so high.

Happy International Women's Day, I Am Privileged.

I will never know the experience of BIPOC women and yet I will continue to benefit from their labour. My rights as a woman were earned on their backs. My voice is louder and more respected. I have more than most of the world but it never feels like enough.

Happy International Women's Day, I Am Disliked.

I am too loud, I am inappropriate, I am insensitive, I am annoying. I am distasteful. I am a burden. I am invalid. People don't like how I walk through the world.

Happy International Women's Day, I Am Ignored.

I am too old and fat to be considered a sexual prospect, too young and blonde to be considered an authority.

Happy International Women's Day, I Am Hungry.

Hungry for food, hungry for acknowledgement, hungry for travel, hungry for rest, hungry for justice, hungry for change. They make lollipops that suppress hunger now. To remind us that hunger is shameful.

Happy International Women's Day, I Am Aching.

Aching for another minute with my child. Aching for another minute alone. Aching for another minute with my partner where we do not discuss schedules or errands or cleaning or taxes or or or or or

Happy International Women's Day, I Am Angry.

My tolerance for bullshit is low. I'm losing friends and ruining parties. But I only have pictures of me smiling.

Happy International Women's Day.

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